Lokesh calling...
Lokesh calling...
Lokesh calling...
Shiva saw 11 missed calls registered on the
cracked screen of the mobile phone. A brief pause and once again-
Lokesh calling....
Rohini pleaded from underneath her blanket which she had pulled
over her face, to turn off the phone. Shiva placed it on the window sill and
looked at Rohini and amma who were lying down on the mat. It was almost
midnight but from her visibly heavy and laboured breathing it was evident that amma
was still awake. Nothing to do except stare at them and wish away the present
situation. Two minutes later Shiva looked at the phone again.
17 missed calls.
****
From the day her husband died, nobody had ever seen Gomathy motionless
except she when she was in deep sleep. Idleness would force her to mourn and unless
consciously avoided, grief and widowhood would consume her. The only way she
could survive was to keep busy, constantly move and find things to do. It was
not a difficult task when one had two children. Even in the most vulnerable,
lonely moments that precede sleep, she had trained herself to worry about their
future. It was a perfect escape.
Two days after her husband died, rubbishing suggestions of the
family elders that she should not be seen outside the home, she resumed her
duties at the Gupta mansion. The Setamma, herself a widow and matriarch of the
Gupta family was more than willing to put aside her superstitious beliefs
because the palatial house was falling apart and in two days dishes had piled
up.
Gomathy spent the next decade working in that house with Rohini
and Shiva as de facto helpers.
****
23 missed calls. 3 text
messages.
i am outside of your house.
waiting.
Shiva peeked through the window, and of course, there he
was..leaning against his bike, smoking a cigarette.
u r wasting my time.
And...
if u dont come in 5 min deal
off.
But Shiva knew that he would not leave.
After all, they were both desperate albeit in very different ways and so was
confident enough to text -
Pls wait. 10 min.
And just as expected, came the reply.
ok i wait.
Shiva was suddenly overcome with disgust and ran to the basin and
threw up. Neither amma nor Rohini moved.
****
“Shiva is like the man of
the house now”, Rohini would hear her
mother say to all and sundry who came to offer help, money, and in a couple
of instances even re-marriage. When
people came to amma trying to convince her about the necessity of male
companionship and protection, she would point to Shiva. True, her sibling had always
been a precocious and outspoken child but as a result of their mother words,
the 12 year old slowly began taking on the role of their father.
As Rohini grew older she too understood that she had an important
role to play in ensuring that Shiva was able to master the role of the man of
the house and altered her relationship and behaviour accordingly. So, even now as she heard the
muffled gagging sounds, she knew better than to offer help.
****
Gomathy's Rs.1000 would not suffice to meet the family's needs so Shiva
became an apprentice at Gopal maama’s tailoring shop and brought home Rs.1500 every
month. Gopal maama, the industrious
brother of her late husband, managed to bag a contract with a big garment
factory and in five years, Shiva
was 18 and earning Rs.5000. Who knew something as liberating as employment would put Shiva’s
fortitude to the test.
No amount of aggression seemed to suffice to protect oneself from
the drudgery and humiliation on the factory floor. Constant abuse would often result in even
middle aged men, twice Shiva's age breaking down. There was no reason, logic or sympathy. Just meeting targets and
obedience. No, it was actually subservience, something that Shiva was not used
to.
Adding to this, past illnesses that seemed trivial came back with
such severity that amma was barely able to walk on most days. Discontinuing
Rohini’s studies to take care of amma was not an option and so Shiva taking
leave often was the only solution. Lokesh, the factory manager preyed on desperation
and ceased the opportunity. He had laid out his conditions if leave applications were to be considered
favourably. For Shiva who had just begun coping with subservience, blackmail was unfathomable.
****
Gomathy had seen that vile Lokesh loitering around at the tea shop
near their house, smoking and playing vulgar music loudly on his mobile phone.
She had even noticed Shiva talking to him on a few occasions. It was 12.30am as
Gomathy pretended to sleep and she heard
Shiva turn off the tap, walk across the room and shut the door gently, walking
out of the house.
In a society
that where a woman’s strength was only measured by her tolerance and acceptance
of her circumstance, her beloved Shivagami would be Shiva, strong and
aggressive like her late husband. As the man of the house, she would be able to make decisions and
create choices serving as the rock of their family, their protector.
She saw her daughter everyday, to live up to this
manufactured reality only to see it being broken little by little each day as Shivagami grew older. Tonight, she knew that that struggle had ended in defeat. She
heard the bike speed away. Shivagami and Lokesh were headed towards the ARP lodge where she would fulfill Lokesh's conditions tonight on a filthy bed in a dingy room. Gomathy turned towards Rohini and hugged her
close. They lay in silence and eventually fell asleep.
****
